I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
