im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
