idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
