I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
