My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
