Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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