Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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