found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Panties = found
Randomize
