I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
