A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Do vagina's smell?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize