Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
