Life is so much better after having sex.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
