Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
