I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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