JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
