oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
