a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
