so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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