hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
