Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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