Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
