I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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