i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
