I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
