i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
