We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It was confusing and full of hummus
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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