You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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