I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
