Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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