well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
