So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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