dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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