Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
