My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
