Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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