My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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