You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
