u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
