Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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