How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
