I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
