Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize