dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
