I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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