Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
