Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
