the day after is always just damage control
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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