I heard we made out
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
