i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
