i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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