oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
