is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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