So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize