He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
