He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
