I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
