You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
