Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
