Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
This toilet bowl is my home.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
