oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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