I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
being pregnant is like rehab
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
