Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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