You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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