The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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