Plan B is the new Plan A
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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