That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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