I think I am morally bankrupt
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
