I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
