I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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