I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
